brown eyed fox

believing

i hear your belly stirring

believing, sharingcarissa fox4 Comments

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this last weekend lil bit was in the ACSI district math competition.
being our first year... as she's a third grader... this was all new to us.
new... yet fun getting to see her shine.

the morning of she was a bit nervous... but not overly...
and much less than i expected.
with her number two pencils in hand...
and her tummy satisfied with her requested chick-fil-a minis...
she was all set.

 once she was done testing...
we were dismissed for lunch & told what time we could return for awards.
to be perfectly honest... i truly hadn't thought this far.
awards?!!

skip forward to the moment they announce her grades top testers...
and when they're finished... her name wasn't one of them.
crushing.
it's crushing.
and there's no way around it.
especially when you see her precious shoulders ever so slightly slump.
suddenly there's that big lump in your throat.
you know what i mean...
that heavy "oh gosh this really hurts" disappointment.
for her!
at that moment there's not much you can say.

we put our arms around her & continued clapping for those that did place.
loved seeing so many from our school that did!
it was pretty neat.

"i don't think i want to do this again next year"... she says
as we're walking to the car.

oh hon.
"do you know how proud we are of you?!"
"how so very proud?!"
"look where we are today... how far you've come!"

God doesn't want us to hurt... feel disappointment...
but no doubt in His plan... the big picture... in life... there will be plenty.
we're going to have it.

we can not allow set backs... road blocks...
really what i think are life's stepping stones...
to stop us though.
hold us back from exercising our talents... our knacks & gifts.

like i told riley...
i certainly wouldn't make her do it again if she decides against it.
all the while knowing in my heart... this lil bit has too much vigor in her to not.

could she have placed?
maybe.
i know she's capable.
but for whatever reason... it was not her time.
and that's ok!

will it be another math competition?
i don't know.
but what i do know...
when we go through challenges... even like this little bitty math deal...
it's all a part.
a piece of what makes us go... do... be.
stronger.
better.
try again!

He's warming us up.
building us.
showing us our strength.

we talked some more on the way home.
about "falling" & getting back up again...
the victory & awesomeness of making it to that day...
and we sang to the song happy... gosh we love that song!
i know she was disappointed... but i do think she gets... as well as she can at nine...
she's already a winner... big to us!
hope so!
and i think too it will stir something in her belly.
belly stirring... that's good.

ya know... we can learn a lot from what we tell our children.
for sure.
i've had some disappointment myself lately... you?
some closed doors...
some i closed on my own foolishly...
and i'm not going to lie...
it stinks.

but then there's that belly stirring.
that's His plan...... working.
the next door unlocking.
that next math compitition maybe.
a new... fresh idea.
a crazy opportunity out of the blue.
you just never know.

we're not going to get a "medal" every time...
be "that" winner...
the one "up on the poduim"...
that would surely take away the fun.
but we keep plugging away...
try harder next time...
scope out a new path...
and before you know it... that stir in our belly becomes something really cool.
♥︎

enough

believingcarissa fox13 Comments

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i've been giving much thought & prayer to this year's focus.
 milled over goals & "resolutions".
prayed for direction.

 the last few years have held so much change.
for us as a family.
me... personally aNd hormonally.
sheesh.
to be honest... there have been times i've felt as though i was moving backwards.
aWaY from where i want to go.
whO i want to bE.
almost like a snowball effect.
somedays... i put on my parka and wade through it...
cLeaRly seeing aLL the beauty about.
and others...
i aLLowed it to throw me down the mountain...
twirling further & more out of control.

mistakes
flaws
shame
scars
bitterness
"i am not good enough" for that... this... them.
all hitting me in the face... reminding me... as i roll.

well.......
frankly i've had enough.

i told a friend recently... i could fEEl change churning within me.
i could sense a shift.
maybe the white flag of my soul saying... "let it go".

stop letting it control you.
bind you.
be you.
keep you from moving forward.

you know...
i aM enough.
i hAvE more than enough.
wHeRe i am right nOw... is enough.

i can be so dadgum hard headed.

He made me...
and if i continue... i'm denying HIM.
and He... oh my soul... is ENOUGH.
ALL.
 
i want to let go of all the things I think i'm supposed to be.
and let Him show me.
He has sO much in store for us... you... me...
if we're too busy knocking ourselves down... measuring... comparing...
we're not leaving room for Him to do some amazing things.

by letting go...
accepting... believing... who... what... and where we are...
IS enough... 
we are letting go of that huge weight.
wow... just that thought.

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and if i had any doubt...
thumbing through my closet this morning... i see this hanging there.
i bought it last summer... loved it... i couldn't believe when i saw it.
had i forgotten?
that churning must have started well before i even realized.
i knew i loved this t-shirt before... now... even more.

when i feel myself sway... doubt...
maybe sense insecurity creeping in...
i will remind myself............... enough.

we ARE enough y'all... mOre than... He made us so.

playing judge

believing, blabberingcarissa fox5 Comments

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"well... he was like a box of rocks".
i thought.
i said.
out loud.

if you were to ask me what one of the biggest things i want to teach my children?
a biggy for me...
something i want them to always REMIND themselves...
to be an example in doing?
it would be... to NOT judge.

this topic goes deep & reaches far for me.
for many of us.
on many levels...
and really the conversation of judging could go on & on...
but in it's simplest form i say we're better off...
when we leave that judging alone.

we walk through our daily lives encountering so many people.
certainly... some days... more than others.
acquaintances.
friends.
good friends.
family.
perfect strangers.

it is impossible for us to know... even if we THINK we know...
no matter HOW well we know him/her...
what that person is handling that day.
dealing with.
facing.
been battling.
the rough morning they had.
what kind of shoes they're wearing.

that man in the parking lot that never seems to grin.
the lady you hear lose her temper with her child in the aisle at the grocery.
that email that was never returned.
he was awfully short with me.
mom "she wasn't very nice to me today".

it's not our place... our job... to figure out... read into.
thank goodness!
were they not so nice?
maybe.
could they smile?
maybe.
could they have responded already?
maybe. 
and... maybe not.

i'm far from perfect... far... oh my word...
i called the man in the drive-thru a box of rocks!
i hate when i feel myself judging though... like i have a right.
it's like a big 'ol mirror pointing right back at me.

we are all SO different.
have much going on at any given time.
why even make room for that thought?
let it take root?

you may not agree with everything someone says...
the way they dress...
conduct their affairs...
that's ok... YOU do the right thing.

certainly... this goes without saying...
this doesn't mean we shy away from helping someone in need... reaching out.
we do... should... that's the good stuff.

i just firmly believe... the shoes that person is wearing...
 we don't know the miles... the load... the reason.
keep smiling...
stay in your shoes...
don't judge.
remember this boat goes both ways.
♥