brown eyed fox

enough

believingcarissa fox13 Comments

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i've been giving much thought & prayer to this year's focus.
 milled over goals & "resolutions".
prayed for direction.

 the last few years have held so much change.
for us as a family.
me... personally aNd hormonally.
sheesh.
to be honest... there have been times i've felt as though i was moving backwards.
aWaY from where i want to go.
whO i want to bE.
almost like a snowball effect.
somedays... i put on my parka and wade through it...
cLeaRly seeing aLL the beauty about.
and others...
i aLLowed it to throw me down the mountain...
twirling further & more out of control.

mistakes
flaws
shame
scars
bitterness
"i am not good enough" for that... this... them.
all hitting me in the face... reminding me... as i roll.

well.......
frankly i've had enough.

i told a friend recently... i could fEEl change churning within me.
i could sense a shift.
maybe the white flag of my soul saying... "let it go".

stop letting it control you.
bind you.
be you.
keep you from moving forward.

you know...
i aM enough.
i hAvE more than enough.
wHeRe i am right nOw... is enough.

i can be so dadgum hard headed.

He made me...
and if i continue... i'm denying HIM.
and He... oh my soul... is ENOUGH.
ALL.
 
i want to let go of all the things I think i'm supposed to be.
and let Him show me.
He has sO much in store for us... you... me...
if we're too busy knocking ourselves down... measuring... comparing...
we're not leaving room for Him to do some amazing things.

by letting go...
accepting... believing... who... what... and where we are...
IS enough... 
we are letting go of that huge weight.
wow... just that thought.

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and if i had any doubt...
thumbing through my closet this morning... i see this hanging there.
i bought it last summer... loved it... i couldn't believe when i saw it.
had i forgotten?
that churning must have started well before i even realized.
i knew i loved this t-shirt before... now... even more.

when i feel myself sway... doubt...
maybe sense insecurity creeping in...
i will remind myself............... enough.

we ARE enough y'all... mOre than... He made us so.