brown eyed fox

change of season

blabberingcarissa fox16 Comments

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i feel like we jUst started our "thankfuls".
really.
i'm not even sure all the pumpkin pie i ate is through my system.
i ate A LOT.
who can blame me though... it was Royers.
come on!

it's been a chock full time...
and i've been much better at posting over at instagram than i have here.
won't always be like that... promise.  i do.
it's just all too easy to snap & post in the moment.
especially when things are hectic.

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we drove up the driveway the other day and lil bit said...
"mom LOOK AT THE TREES... they're beautiful".
(of course i snapped & posted to instagram)
it was like it happened overnight.
the change of season... and it's pretty color... isn't as bold here in Houston...
so when we see it... it makes us ooh & ahh.

i would love to hang on to Fall a bit longer honestly.
savor it's bit... pieces... and blessings some more.
if i can be honest... the pace feels fast to me.
rushed.
days are overflowing... washing over... backing up actually.
must do's are seemingly endless...
being postponed "until tomorrow" because there's simply not enough time left.

been thinking about this a lot lately.
as i lie in bed awake by 3am.
(for some reason that's my clock lately)
mind rushing... stomach churning.

i think the thing that gets me... and i wonder if you feel this way too...
the guilt EATS ME UP.
i feel bad because i still have not sent that baby gift...
written that thank you note...
we had chick-fil-a again for dinner...
need to make those dental appointments...
was i too hard on her today?...
on & on & on.... and on.
our minds race.

the only thing... the only... that brings me peace...
brings me back to me center...
is putting Him at the top again.
i say again...
because...
He... of course... IS first in my life...
but i do sometimes "allow" the devil to web his weave of "you're not worthy".

i often have to visualize myself pushing doubt, worry, to do's...
to the side...
and focusing solely on Him.

i'm learning to let go.
say no.
to more.
yearning for simplier times.
are you?

our lives have become SO busy.
i see other women... all they do...
and i slump under the weight of my inadequacies.
wonder why i can't keep up.

is it keeping up?
or just trying to be something i'm not?

know this is a process.
i may keep falling... failing...
but determined to make a way...
and hope to share triumphs soon.

and HOPING this makes a bit of sense.
wow... that was a ramble for sure.

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in keeping with my heart's desire...
we've gone very simple this year with decoration.
and the kids have loved it.
i'll for sure share more soon.
by no means will we celebrate His birthday any less...
i like to think we're just making space physically & spiritually.

as always... thank you for letting me share.